Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"That's impossible!" said the groom broom.
"We haven't even swept together yet!"
Photo taken in Georgetown (DC) on April 7, 2007 -- the day before Easter.
Today's joke is not for the most timid readers, though it's still a long way from being NSFW.
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman, smiling, sneezed again, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed, when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took out a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you okay?"
"Oh, I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a very rare medical condition -- whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded and replied, "Pepper!"
Along similar lines, today's New York Times features an interview with the McIlhenny family of Avery Island, Louisiana -- better known as the makers of Tabasco brand pepper sauce. Like today's joke, it's salty and hot and infused with a sense of humor.
An elderly woman walked into the main branch of Bank of Boston one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions, a manager finally took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000." The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?" The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly," replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square." "Done. But given the amount of money involved, I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course," said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure." The elderly woman did so with a little smile.
Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why the lawyer was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Boston!"
Or not... the latest news is a warning from the New Jersey Department of Health not to eat the squirrels. According to the AP report, the problem is in the northwestern part of New Jersey (near the Ramapough/Ramapo Mountains, the home of the Ramapough Tribe and Jackson Whites), where toxic runoff from an old Ford Motor plant / Superfund site may have led to contamination in the food chain.
If you're willing to take your chances, make sure to track down the 1975 edition of The Joy of Cooking for helpful tips and stick to the gray and black squirrels (as opposed to the red ones).
Courtesy of Gridskipper (yet another arm of the Gawker empire), a handy tip to avoid the in-room coffee pot on your next hotel visit.
Note the helpful explanation from the local sheriffs in Alabama -- "look for burnt red or orange coloring in the pot" as your cue to stay away. Doesn't that describe just about every glassware coffee pot in existence after a few weeks? It gets better, though -- you can even watch the original evening news report on the website of WAFF-TV in Huntsville, Alabama (search around on "video on demand").
I love "public crisis" stories masquerading as news almost as much as "human interest" stories masquerading as news.
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Courtesy of American Airlines:
1.5 hour flight, Coach -- Beverage service (full can on request) plus mini-bag of snack mix.
3.5 hour flight, Coach -- Beverage service (full can given immediately, with follow-up later in flight), opportunity to purchase "snack pack."
When one spends $550 for the privilege of spending 5 hours in an airborne sardine tin, isn't it reasonable to expect at least one-half ounce of snack mix per flight to be included in the fare? Or should we all begin bringing our own snacks (as my wife says is already the case)? What happens when the person allergic to peanuts (who already caused the airlines to switch to non-denominational cracker-and-pretzel mix) winds up next to the PB&J fiend?
From Martanne's in downtown Flagstaff, a hippie diner where the skulls represent both the Grateful Dead and the Mexican "Dia de los Muertos." We had a fabulous lunch here... our first taste of real southwestern food in too many years.
